Young people do not always say “I’m struggling” directly. Sometimes emotional distress appears as irritability, withdrawal, changes in sleep, loss of motivation, physical complaints, tearfulness, risk-taking, school refusal, perfectionism, anger, or a sudden drop in confidence. For parents, carers, teachers and other adults, the challenge is often noticing that something has changed before the young person reaches a crisis point.
Adolescence is a period of major emotional, social and biological development. Young people are forming their identity, navigating friendships, managing academic pressure, dealing with family expectations, and increasingly comparing themselves with others online. Some stress is normal. The concern is when distress becomes persistent or intense or begins to interfere with everyday functioning.
A helpful first step is to look for changes rather than isolated behaviours. A teenager having a difficult day is not the same as a young person becoming increasingly withdrawn over several weeks. A child being anxious before an exam is not the same as regularly avoiding school, repeatedly seeking reassurance, or becoming unable to sleep. Patterns matter.
When adults are worried, it is usually better to start with curiosity rather than interrogation. Questions such as “What’s wrong with you?” can feel accusing. A calmer approach might be: “I’ve noticed you seem quieter lately,” or “You don’t seem yourself, and I wanted to check how things are feeling for you.” The aim is to open a door, not force a disclosure.
Listening well is often more helpful than immediately giving advice. Young people may shut down if they feel lectured, minimised or rushed. Phrases such as “everyone feels like that” or “you’ll be fine” are often meant kindly, but they can make a young person feel misunderstood. It is usually more useful to say: “That sounds really hard,” “I’m glad you told me,” or “We can think about this together.”
Adults should also pay attention to practical foundations. Sleep, routine, food, movement, screen use, friendships and school pressure can all affect mental health. These are not simple cures, but they can either support recovery or add to vulnerability. A young person who is sleeping poorly, isolated, overwhelmed and under constant pressure may need help to reduce the load before they can cope better emotionally.
It is also important to know when to involve others. If a young person is self-harming, talking about not wanting to live, experiencing panic attacks, withdrawing severely, using substances, being bullied, showing signs of trauma, or struggling to function, adults should seek professional advice. Depending on the situation, this may involve the GP, school safeguarding lead, mental health services, social care, or a qualified psychological professional.
For a fuller guide, Stronger Minds has written about how to support the mental health of young people, including when to seek additional help.
The central message is simple: take changes seriously, respond calmly, and do not assume a young person will simply grow out of significant distress. Early, compassionate support can make it easier for young people to feel understood, safer and more able to ask for help.