Dan, 34, used to leave his shopping to the last minute, turn up late and open other people’s presents
A man says people thought he was just being lazy when he left his Christmas shopping until late or opened his brother’s presents – but now has a potential diagnosis that explains why. Dan Hancock says that as a child he would often rip open his sibling’s presents on December 25, leaving him looking ‘impatient’ in front of his relatives.
And when he was often an hour late to Christmas dinner growing up or would want to escape his family during the day, he would be left feeling ‘guilty’ and confused. At the time, Dan claims he was unaware of why he felt like this and says he would ‘dread’ knowing how to manage his energy during the festive period.
It was only when the now 34-year-old began to struggle to focus on tasks at work and found it hard to concentrate in a busy room, that he realised there may be an explanation behind his behaviour. This is when the mental health personal trainer began to research through books and via sessions with therapists in 2022 and landed on attention deficit hyperactivity disorder [ADHD].
Dan believes he has ADHD and while he awaits his formal diagnosis he uses a holistic approach to help him cope with his everyday life. He is now raising awareness of how difficult neurodivergent individuals can find busy periods like Christmas and urges people to take a moment to understand the ‘invisible’ condition.
Dan, from Stirling in Scotland, said: “The highest priority things can get left until the very last minute and it’s because as an individual with ADHD you have less dopamine receptors. One of the only ways to be able to motivate yourself is to wait until the very last minute so the dopamine and adrenaline kicks in and it almost forces you to take action.
“At the time, I didn’t know what it was and it may have looked to other people that I didn’t prioritise it [buying Christmas presents] and therefore I didn’t care as much. There was a lack of understanding of why I didn’t prioritise it and you were either seen as lazy or that you weren’t being genuine or interested in other people.
“Another thing that is common across people with ADHD is a term known as time blindness. We either massively underestimate or exaggerate the time it takes to complete a task. There would be times I would be down for Christmas dinner an hour late.
“At the time I didn’t know this but I had a lack of want to go down the stairs to be sociable and felt overstimulated. Anyone who is neurodiverse massively is overstimulated by multiple conversations, noise and the wrapping paper, bright lights and the excitement.
“What a lot of people would see as the main event being done, the energy drops in the room, and we can feel this and this makes us absolutely exhausted and feel like we need to lie down. As a child it was a strange feeling to feel like I wanted to escape my relatives [at Christmas] and you’d feel guilty.
“I had a very good upbringing and I’m very lucky compared to other people out there but they don’t understand that our brains work differently. It makes you feel like you don’t want to be with the people that you’re with, which is your family, and you start to dread knowing how to manage your energy at Christmas.”
Mental health charity Young Minds says common ADHD signs include finding it hard to focus and wait your turn, being impulsive and feeling like you have to always change your task. They also note struggling to organise things or forgetting important appointments and feeling very sensitive or overly emotional are common signs of the disorder, which Dan is seen to present.
As well as struggling with shopping, Dan says his present wrapping would be a ‘mess’ and admits one year his mum thought his Christmas card was a joke due to the illegible writing. Dan said: “With ADHD there is a complete feeling of impatience constantly.
“And because you’ve done the time consuming part of buying the presents, the bounce has worn off and you want to get through the task [wrapping presents and writing cards] as soon as possible. When I’d give presents to family members at Christmas they would be an absolute mess.
“Again, it looked like there was no care and this would make me feel embarrassed. Once I wrote a card to my mum and she thought it was a joke. It was so badly written so she thought it was a joke and got upset about this until I told her it wasn’t. It looked like a lack of care.
“Another thing about people with ADHD is that they have a complete lack of impulse control. Rather than neurotypical people that can think a few steps ahead and know the consequences of this before we know it, the word or action is out and this can come across very erratic.
“The reason for wanting to open other people’s presents is that you want to experience what they are experiencing and want to relate to them. It’s not that you want to have the pleasure over them. This definitely happened when I was younger and made me look like I was impatient and didn’t care about anyone else’s experience. Actually it was the opposite.
“There were occasions when I opened my brother’s presents and thought it was mine and then would have to hand it back to them.”
Since opening up about his ADHD, Dan has tried to take the pressure off Christmas day and allows time to himself when he needs it.
Dan said: “What people need to understand is that because you can’t see it [ADHD], it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Neurodiverse kids don’t want expensive gifts for Christmas, they just want to be understood.
“A few changes I’ve made to my Christmas day plans are taking the pressure of yourself and understanding it doesn’t have to be perfect. Also, allow yourself to go off and go for a walk and do your own thing. It’s not being rude.
“It’s about regulating the same way you would if you had a mental health condition and needed rest.”
